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Learning how to LOVE others well is a skill. By nature we are all born slightly self absorbed. Some more than others. It is not our nature to respond with LOVE when someone steals our parking space. Just as it is not our natural instinct to remain kind and gentle when someone takes their anger out on us without reason. Whether we like it or not we tend to get jealous when others are succeeding, and when we are doing well ourselves we have a difficult time not boasting and crossing over into arrogance.
We are people literally made from an act of LOVE yet the art of LOVE does not always seem to be woven into our DNA. I see LOVE as something that must be developed and practiced until it becomes your normal instinctive reaction.
Loving well is truly an art. Every person is unique. We all speak different languages when it comes to how we give and receive LOVE. Therefore to truly LOVE someone well you must first take the time to understand how they receive LOVE. How do you do this? First of all, you must care enough to get to know the person. Just a hint, the person you are wanting to LOVE well probably loves you in the way that they want to be loved.
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According to Doctor Gary Chapman there are five LOVE languages.
- Words of Affirmation: This person longs for verbal affirmation. They feel most loved when you take the time to affirm who they are, what they are doing, and anything else you can think of to speak positively towards them. My suggestion for this type of person is to find things you really admire about them and take the time to tell them. This person feeds off of positive words spoken towards them. Speak generously.
- Acts of Service: This person feels most loved when you are helping them with a task. Maybe this person has some errands they need to run and you offer to do it for them. Or perhaps you know of someone moving and you volunteer to spend your Saturday afternoon helping them. For this person it is best to look for ways you can help and be willing to sacrifice your time in order to do so.
- Receiving Gifts: Of course we all love gifts, but some people feel more loved when you bring them a well thought out gift. For this person it does not mean bringing them a diamond ring, but simply noticing what latte they drink and surprising them with it one morning. Maybe you are walking through the mall and you see a shirt that looks like something your best friend would love. If that persons LOVE language is gifts choosing to be generous in that moment will allow them to see how much you truly value them.
- Quality Time: Notice the word QUALITY. This person is not an attention junkie they simply need your undivided attention in order to feel loved. Chances are this person feels most loved when they are able to go deep with others. You can make this person feel loved by taking them out for coffee and asking about their life. If you want to go the extra mile follow up with them later on in the week and see how that person is doing based upon the things they shared with you over coffee. That is QUALITY time!
- Physical Touch: In reality we all need to be touched in order to feel loved, but some more than others. By touch I do mean appropriate touch. Greet them with a hug. If they are sharing emotion reach out and extend a comforting hand. This person needs to feel warmth and comfort in order to feel loved.
To LOVE someone well you must understand the art. Get to know someone and how they feel most loved. Then challenge yourself to give LOVE according to their LOVE language. This could be difficult to do. Just as one in prone to receive LOVE in a very specific way one is also prone to give LOVE in a very specific way. This will cause you to have to break out from what feels comfortable and meet that person where they are at. After a while it will become natural and you will find your relationships growing! This is the art of LOVE. It is the choice to not be self absorbed and to meet the LOVE languages of those closest to you. It is worth your time and you will benefit from the relationships you took time to develop by learning the art of loving well.